Saturday, 26 March 2016


DISCLAIMER : There is mentions of self-harming in this post. 

This is a positive message so any comments should beam with positivity too!

I am a lady of twenty-three years of age. Whilst I cannot speak for everyone my age, I

would take a stab in the dark and say that a lot of people around my age struggle with
self-image and really hate a lot of their own physical attributes. This is not shocking, and
is fairly common knowledge these days, with the media being a large influence on how we
reflect on ourselves. Newspapers and magazines, TV and our phone screens are over
loaded with images of young, fit and physically appealing women and men 24/7, and it is
nearly impossible to escape. I am among these people, lusting over swimwear model's
bodies and wishing I was just like them, but recently I have been crawling to get out of
that mind-frame.

Growing up, I was a very petite girl. I was a gymnast and exercised on the reg, so weight

just dripped off of me. This would seem a blessing, but for a teenage girl who was starting
to socialise with older girls, this was hell. I had tic-tacs for tits and eventually when I
managed to get up to an A cup, I stayed there for what seemed an eternity. Having sex
with my bra on was the norm until a few years ago and I generally tried to go with it,
wearing high-neck tops that flattered my figure. Then, BOOM, summer 2015, Megan
got titties. I grew four cup sizes and had more boobage than I knew what to do with. I put
a lot of this down to the birth-control pills I was on at the time, and it seems that it was a
very popular side-effect for many women. Anyway, so now, a year on, I am feeling pretty
sexual with my massive wobblers and life is good, but looking back, it really wasn't all
that bad being a part of the "itty bitty titty committee"; and in fact, I rather quite miss it.

Lately, I have been gaining weight and it is something that I have learned to be cool with.
It's like your friend's cat coming to live with you for a few months - sometimes you have to
look at it's poo's and you despise it for existing, but other times it stays out of your way
and doesn't seem to be doing much harm just hanging around. And then your friend forgot
to come back for that tubby kitty, but by then you were kinda used to it hanging around,
and it wasn't a big deal so you let it stay. Yes, I did just refer to my muffin top as my
friend's cat; deal with it.
You see, there is nothing wrong with having a little more cushion for the pushing so long
as you are still looking after yourself, eating healthily and happy in your body!

Another painful hurdle I had to get over was the scars I had left after suffering from
depression and dealing with self-harm. These scars are something I have hated so deeply,
and after using many treatments to help repair the damage, and using make-up in an
attempt to cover them, I have come to accept that they are there, and ain't gonna budge
anytime soon. I am far from loving them, but I have been contributing less and less time
to stressing out over them.  Some of the people who you might love and admire the most,
have gone through wars and battles that you don't know about, and yet they have
overcome all to become the beautiful, fun and fantastic human you love today. If you
don't love a physical part of your body, or perhaps even a personality trait, but you can
overcome it and learn to love yourself wholly, you too will grow and bloom, and everyone
will see the goodness and beauty of it. I've learned that without that horrid chapter of my
life, I would not be half the character I am today, and so I let it be and I have accepted
the marks on my body. I imagine that down the line I may get some pretty body art to
cover it up, but it's not the be all and end all right now, and I can be happy in this skin, so
that's all that matters.

Yes, it can be hard to be happy in yourself, I understand that just as much as the next guy,

but something that can be good to remember is to lift your left arm high, then bring it
down to your right hip. Now do that again, only point your finger and sing "night fever,
night fevaaaa". Yes, I did just attempt to get you to do a silly dance, but look; If you
wanted to, you could put on trainers right now and take a run around outside, have a look
at all of the beautiful things there is when you step out doors. You could feel your heart
beat and sweat drip down your neck. You can dance, you can explore the world and you
can move things and people. Your limbs are intact and you are able. There are so many
people who are unable to do those things. So many people who are crippled by hunger in
undeveloped countries, or by mental illness. You may not conform to society's standards
of beauty, but you are sexy and you are beautiful. You look a lot better without clothes on
than you believe, and you look so beautiful when you do good in the world. It can be hard
to just drop your insecurities like that, but the more you reflect on those thoughts, the
easier it is to be kind to yourself.

Holding a hatred towards your body is doing absolutely no good. It is annoying for others
who can see the beauty in you to sit and hear you calling yourself all the names under the
sun, when you should in fact be confident and feeling great.  Hating yourself isn't going to
do anything, so either work towards bettering yourself, or accept your flaws and beauty
as a big ol' fruit salad of fun, and work it; for it is just depressing to get yourself down
about it each time you look at yourself in the mirror.
You are the youngest you will ever be, right here in this moment. You will look back in
years to come, wrinkly as a prune and wishing that you had appreciated your body for the
beautiful shell of your soul as it was. 

I'm sure if you have read this post, then you have also read hundreds of other posts
/inspirational tumblr photos all about loving yourself for all you are. I guess, for me, it
was understanding that you are the only person who has to feel and live in your body,
so of course you are going to see flaws that others don't- it sucks. But the best bit about it
is that everyone else is either hung up on their own bodies, or admiring others to even
notice. You are off the hook! Enjoy the freedom that it brings to know that no one else
gives a damn. You're welcome!



1 comment:

Ruth said...

Really enjoyed reading this piece hun. I know I've always struggled with weight gain over the years and that has been my biggest body bug bear. But I definitely don't obsess over my body and analyse it in the mirror all the time. It's just not worth the energy! I can't say that being thinner or being fatter ever impacting drastically on my overall happiness. In the past two years I loss two stone in weight. Changing jobs and having a new focus meant I ate less and the weight just came off! Now I'm over four months pregnant and gaining weight! My body is changing every day and that is taking a lot to get used to! I think as women, our bodies are always changing and lot of that has to do with the stage we are at in life. Acceptance is key! We are a heck of a lot more than our physical appearance. Ruth xox

Post a Comment

01 09 10