Friday, 22 January 2016

JANUARY : DON'T THROW ME AWAY


It is hard to live without being influenced by the media. We learn what is cool, what to be outraged about, and what breakfast food we didn't know existed, and yet, we so badly need in our lives. 
I have been heavily influenced in my own online presence by what other bloggers write about, by how the readers react, and by trends. This is where it can become hard to be authentic on VENT. Bloggers are constantly chasing other and the professional bloggers with better content and style, whilst also trying to stand alone. When I began blogging, my lack of understanding about what this platform could mean for me led me to fall into specific blogging formats. You know the deal; various blogger tags about beauty, videos about 'What's in my Handbag?', and standing awkwardly in front of a pretty backdrop trying to look natural, even though you are in the skimpiest tightest dress and in an alleyway that looks like the set for a Luther murder-scene. I should add that there is nothing wrong with the conventional fashion blogging set-up, and it definitely functions well for the job, but I never seen myself being the go to person for advice on the newest "IT handbag" or how to contour. I was never in it for the likes, figures, or dare I say, fame; but instead I've always wanted a voice and an output, and this was just right for me. 

At times the blogging game can feel like a bit of a chore, and sometimes rather quite boring. Don't get me wrong, it's something that I glean great worth from. I love the outreach I have, the conversations I get involved in, and talking about my personal style and life is what I know best; but it is important to only spend time doing things that you can cherish, and that give back to you.


I have been thinking a lot about how I might live a better and happier life in 2015. I tried to picture just what I would do if I didn't have to worry about education or work, and if I had all of the free time in the world. Just how would I spend my days? It goes a little like this: Educate myself in the realms of art and various tools to create art, adventure with friends and family, collaborate and become more involved in various communities, read and write a lot, and create my own artworks. I am in the perfect situation right now where I am already doing all of the above, and then some. However, when I think about just how I define VENT, it doesn't quite fit in with the deep values I have. It doesn't push me in the same way that collaborating with an artist would push me to create and make. It doesn't feel as thrilling as stepping back after I finish a work of art and say 'DONE!'; instead, (at times) it can feel like submitting an essay that I have avoided at all costs.


I want to make something new, for me. I want something more than just brick walls and a pretty smock. I am a spontaneous person at times, and I want to be able to use this platform in a spontaneous way. I don't want to read a script any more, or work with brands who expect me to tick their boxes. I don't want to be a leader, but I'm bored of being a follower. We all have our own talents and creative ways of building something, so it would be silly of me to waste time jumping through hoops because I am a "fashion blogger" of sorts, because I am more than that. I am a romantic adventurer, an artist, an over-thinker, a midnight singer, and a day-drinker. I love looking up to the stars, and thinking about the universe, but that doesn't mean I am an astronomer. 


In the past short while I have really pushed to write with my heart and only dish up what I know to be true in myself, but there is always that shadow lingering over me saying "oh, that's on the web now, and hundreds of people are going to read it and judge you. You don't want to come off weird, or like you are better than you are, you piece of shit. Hide your true self you FOOL!". But if you really value what you write and do, then what others think really won't matter. Now I am ready to step out from behind the online persona that I undertook when I decided to log on; instead I am going to create and make what I know to be good for my soul and that I don't look at and think "this is trash". I know that this might screw up a lot of stuff when it comes to the business side of things, but I'm only realising now that I don't actually care. I never set out to make blogging my full-time career, and although it funds my drinking and eating out habits (which I am ever so grateful for), it would not be a huge loss if it all went out the window for me.


I guess what it all comes down to (if you haven't caught on already) is that I don't want to write for the sake of writing. I am impetuous at times and I want that to be a great attribute to what makes VENT so me. My day to day life is always changing, with so many strange and amazing opportunities that simply had no place on a blog, but now I want to make space for them. I want to feature beautiful images that involved creativity, not just standing in front of a brick wall staring off to the distance. I want to be able to look back at what I have done, and be able to high five myself for doing something that enriches my happiness and was worth my time. It's an exciting task.


Hell, maybe you're sitting at home thinking, oh God, she's gone off on a rant again.. Building herself up for failure.. What the hell is she even on about?  But then again, you might just agree with me. You might be stuck in a job that sucks all of the joy and aspirations out of you, yet you're dreaming to study, or start your own goddamn business. You could be a musician who dreads attending band practices because something's just not right and you would rather do your own thing instead. I don't know, I'm getting on a bit now, but if there was anything I want you to take away from reading this essay, it is to look at yourself. Think about the most important things you have in your life, and what you value most; what is your passion? Then look at your life and try to change it round so that you can spend more time doing what you love, even if it is a bit risky. 


I can't say exactly what to expect from me this year, as I'm not sure myself, but I will always enjoy the company of the folks who have came along for the ride. Throw me a comment about your own thoughts, and if you have any creative projects and want another hands on gal to join you then just email me. 


Hello 2016, it's very nice to meet you.


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