Saturday, 19 December 2015

KODAK MOMENTS #36


With writing posts around this time, it is too hard to not reflect on the year past. I was already a fairly reflective little person before I began writing, but now that I have a regular scurry around my brain to find a topic to talk about, it's hard to not think back to past experiences.
This year I started feeling fairly optimistic, and with a good outlook, but by March I could feel my anxiety worsening and by summertime, I was suffering quite badly and missing out on so many fun opportunities. This started to change as before Hallowe'en I began taking therapy seriously and was attending CBT on the reg. It's only been around two months since the first of many sessions, and I can genuinely say my life is changing for the better. I can look back on the positive outlook that I had for 2015 in January, and compare it to my outlook for 2016, and it has changed so dramatically.

I am absolutely buzzing to continue battling myself and all of the negatives that come with anxiety and depression. I finally understand that whilst I may never be completely rid of the illnesses, I can give myself the best chance at burying them alive. If only I had taken these steps sooner and pushed myself harder, I could of felt this happy earlier. I'm beginning to feel a sense of pride when I talk about work I am doing, and I am waking up with a smile on my face and stoked for what the day will bring, as I am bursting with so much energy. 
Now, I know what I want for 2015. Most people want to get fitter and loose weight, or become more successful in their work; and while both of these would be just swell, I think I would be happy to find that I carried onwards, and upwards and was genuinely filled with happiness. I don't want roses, or breakfast in bed. I don't want sunshine everyday or pretty nails to make me smile. I want to know that whilst there will be difficult and sad days, that it is not coming from a dark corner inside of myself. That's the one task I have set myself for next year, and without sounding cocky, I think I'm gonna rock it. 

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